Quick De Escalation Techniques
Why is it that some couples in long-term love relationships treat each other worse than they would ever act toward a friend or acquaintance? If you find yourself in this predicament, it may be time to consider implementing some changes.
There lies an assumption and expectation that if both people are committed, you’ll be loved whether or not you ignore rules of common courtesy.
That may be true to a certain extent, but it drains and exacerbates existing problems, in turn, the relationship.
In your frontal lobe lies the ability to make decisions. When you are angry, blood rushes to the frontal lobe and clouds rational thought. Your natural “fight or flight” instincts kick in, allowing you to react first and think later. It’s natural human instinct...
But it also triggers your partner’s “fight or flight” and facilitates escalation of conflict.
Ever heard the old adage, “Count to 10 before you react?” It comes in handy here. In doing so, you’re allowing time for that rush of blood to leave your frontal lobe. Cloudy thought then becomes more rational.
Another tip is to come up with a secret word or phrase together. The intention here is to gently let the other person know the situation has escalated and you’re unable to have a healthy and calm conversation right now. Choose words that do not already trigger a negative response for both of you. Even something silly can be beneficial in slightly diffusing the amped energy in the room. Something like “Hulk is visiting.”
From there, you should collaborate and decide how to move forward together. Sometimes, hitting “pause” on the conversation and coming back to it at another time can serve your relationship. That said, sweeping it under the rug to never talk about it again does the opposite- it’s like a kettle waiting to boil.
Less Conflict = win-win!
I get you become comfortable with each other and sometimes don’t feel like you have to abide by common courtesy rules as you would a colleague or a stranger. But love and respect may help diminish problems or prevent issues that arise.
Please consider that the next time you find yourself tempted to throw rules out the window.
For now, I’ll leave you with this:
What would your relationship look like if you spoke the truth with calmness, respect, and loving kindness?
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If you’re a couple wanting a forward-moving relationship, to connect deeper, communicate healthier, and lead with love and respect, let’s hop on a complimentary introductory call. Fill out the Contact Form HERE.
